Am I Moping?

Sitting in the lobby and typing on the lobby computer because my laptop thinks that it is okay to not turn on at the moment.  Awesome.  It better fix itself.
Yesterday was definitely a tough day.  Ben, Nick, and Matt left in the morning.  I haven't been close to Ben at all, but Nick and Matt were really hard to watch leave.  The night before was a really late night thanks to Pinky town, star gazing, and visiting Suzie in the kitchen at 3am...so I woke up literally right before 7:30 when breakfast started the next morning.  I was like half asleep when Matt left at 7:45 and it didn't feel real at all.  I felt like I was just going to see him again when lunch time rolled around.  So, untrue to normal circumstances, I didn't cry....right away.  It hit me and Katie at lunch and KJ told me that I was moping in the kitchen.  I was so sad and then my family decides to ask how my morning was...so I told them that one of my best friends on staff left this morning.  Since the situation was brought up, I started crying.  There were the tears!  Once somebody notices I am upset, they hug me and then it is a chain reaction of hugs and tears for quite awhile.  It was just an off day.  I worked literally all day yesterday because I helped Vivien make food for international night.  We made this dessert called Birdmilk (literally translated) and it took a couple hours.  We had to make the food for like 70 people so we ended up cracking 56 eggs and poured 12 liters of milk and so on.  It was nice to spend time with her and the other internationals in the kitchen.  We cooked and jammed to music super loud :)  International night was fun.  It was nice to learn so much about the different countries and their culture.  It makes me want to travel the world (nothing new in my life though).  It also made me sad for a reason that I was unsure about at first.  But then I realized that I was sad because I know I won't see all of these beautiful places before my time is up on this earth.  There is so much to explore and how many times have I been to Disney World?  How many times have I spent my money when I could have saved up to go on a trip?  Why am I so scared to be spontaneous?  All these questions can be easily answered but not as easily acted upon.  Someday.  I WILL be in Hungary next summer, I promise you.  Also, when the 'show' was done, Ozgen was cleaning up and I went over to hug her.  I just love her and Damla.  Ozgen was saying how much she will miss me when I leave, compared to everyone else here that she will miss me most.  She said I just can't go and started crying.  She cried and then I cried and we hugged it out for awhile.  Both of them are so adorable (I called them that the other day and now they know what that means).
Last night, after the international night, Katie, Hannah, and I were going to watch a sappy movie, but Hannah went to have a sleepover at Joey and Elise's.  Viv, Steph, Katie, Hazal, and I had a good girl talk for like an hour or so in my room.  We talked about everything and eventually got to the topic about what we are NOT going to miss doing when we leave.  I really am not going to miss re-setting tables, it is actually getting annoying this week.  I will not miss putting toothpicks in the sliced lemons and picking parsly.  Those are just a few things I won't miss, but imagine all of the things I will miss.  Not only will I miss all of my friends here, but I will miss the lake, laying out in the sun, being in a swim suit, the hootenanny, monday night trips to dl, pinkytown, karaoke nights at Zorbaz, casino trips, star gazing on the roof, speaking Turkish and Hungarian, and eating all of the wonderful desserts, of course.  We were all really tired, so I went to bed sometime after midnight.
I woke up tired and cold this morning.  Jonathan is a guest this week at Michael's table next to mine.  He is 16 and has a sort of mental disability.  He has such a big heart and I absolutely love talking to him.  He invited me to play shuffleboard at 10:30 today, so I met him and Michael down here.  Ang was supposed to meet us too but she was busy.  Instead of shuffleboard, Jonathan wanted to do the scavenger hunt, so we helped him and this other girl Annika find everything on their sheet.  I felt like the mom walking around with them because I was older and carrying a cup of tea around the resort...haha.  It is after lunch now and I am in the lobby listening to Hazal speak to her mom on skype.  I said hello to her mom and talked to her in Turkish for just a second.  I am exhausted now.  So tired.
So many things I want to say...but can't at the moment.
I am dancing my Jar of Hearts dance tonight, but my wish of having somebody sing and play piano for me is finally coming true.  Katie is going to play and sing for me tonight!  We have to work on it here soon, so maybe I will get up and go see where she is.
Leaving you with these words:
If you are questioning something in your life, just go for it because it wouldn't be on your heart if there wasn't a part of you longing for it.  Love love, Kait.