I'm home! Home. I'm not really sure what happened today but I know that I cried. A lot.
Last night was our last Tuesday night Hoot and my last night at Fair Hills. I just started bawling after the Hoot was over. It reminded me of high school when it was the last performance for our spring musical and the curtain closed. That's when we knew it was over. Everything we had worked for, friendships we had made, and time we had spent together was done with. I feel as if that exactly relates to my situation with the last Hoot. Vivi could barely look at me without completely losing it. We cried forever. Damla, Ozgen, Orhan, Ismail, and Vivi said that it is my last night so they would do anything I wanted to do and go anywhere I wanted to go because it was my night. How wonderful is that? They are all so amazing. We decided not to go to Pinky because I wanted to have actual conversations with these people on my last night. I didn't want to sit around a fire while everyone drinks. We decided to take a FH suburban and go to Perkins. It was around 11pm when we left and it was me and 8 foreigners. Vivi, Ismail, Damla, Ozgen, Hazal, Erman, Elman, and Orhan all went with me. I let Vivi drive because she misses it so much from home. I was sleepy anyway, so it worked out. Perkins was so much fun and Hazal was taking pictures of everything. It was hilarious. After we got back, I visited with Hannah, Katie, and Iliya quick and then headed to bed.
This morning I was toast girl, which was quite exciting actually. It was a bit more stressful than I thought, but I did well. I couldn't believe it was my last 'shift' and I kept thinking about how much packing I still had to do. I was making myself toast before my shift and I told Suzie how much I loved the cinnamon raisin bread. She went back and packaged up a loaf of it for me to take home :) How sweet!! I will miss her very much. So glad that Matt and I went to visit her that one morning at 3am. Good choice.
After breakfast, I headed up to my cabin and started the seemingly never ending process of packing. I was most of the way done when Vivi came up after she was off. She gave me the look of "I can't believe that you are packing up...I can't watch this". We decided to go down to the lobby to see if her pillow pets were here. My mom sent her a sheep for her and a pink bunny for her sister Brigi. When we went down to the lobby, they weren't there, so I went shopping for my last FH gear. Bought 2 tshirts and a blanket. When we were still standing there, the mailman came in and Viv freaked out! She ripped open the box like it was a Christmas present. It was adorable. She hugged that sheep forever. On our walk back to our cabin she told me that she was naming it Kaitlyn. That way, everytime she misses me, she can hug the sheep. When we got back up to the cabin, she helped me load my stuff in my car. Katie came over as well to return my workout shorts and we forgot we still had to write on each other's bracelets. On mine she wrote lyrics to one of the songs she wrote called "It Is What It Is". I wrote something inspirational on hers. We went down to staff lunch after that and it hit me. I was leaving in a half hour. Nothing looked appetizing for lunch (not unusual), so I just had a dessert and some lemonade. I went out to the dining hall and stood there while Damla, Ozgen, Helen, Vivi, and Katie ate. Everyone else was roaming around the dining hall or eating at other tables. I forget who I hugged first, but I knew I had to start saying goodbye or it would never get done. I started tearing up, then crying, then bawling. Vivi left the table and went into the kitchen because she just couldn't handle it. My heart literally broke right then. Everyone was taking turns hugging me and I was crying so hard that I squatted on the ground and buried my head in my hands. Damla, Ozgen, and Derek were all around me just trying to make me feel better. Every time I hugged a different person though, I cried harder. Saying goodbye to Lez was so hard. She hugged me forever and told me that I have such great faith and to just follow the Lord with all of my heart and soul. She has been a wonderful role model and I am so blessed to have met her. Katie was crying too, which is a big deal for her. I have only seen her cry once all summer. When it came time to say goodbye to Viv, we just stood and looked at each other, crying. We couldn't hug because we knew it was over. So, there we stood, in the dining hall, standing 3 feet apart and bawling. I finally hugged her and I never wanted to let go because I knew how long it would be before I was her again. She told me that I was one of the best friends she has ever had. I can't recall everything else that was said because I was crying so hard. She told me I had to come back when I was going to drive away so she could watch me leave. I didn't want to have to come back to the kitchen, but I knew I had to do it for her. Leaving the kitchen was a very odd and awful feeling. I have spent so many hours in this place and I didn't want to walk out. I could barely contain myself walking back up to my cabin because I knew I was walking away from everything. I gathered the rest of my stuff and put a note on Vivi's bed. I went back down to the kitchen to get Viv and she came out to my car with me. We hugged and cried again (no way right?). I told her (like I always do) that it isn't goodbye, but simply 'see you soon'. I told her that I loved her very much (in Hungarian of course) and then I got into my car. I rolled down the window as I was driving away and said "Ígérem hogy jönnek", which I hope I spelled right. That means "I promise that I will come." She always had me say that so I swear I will come to Hungary next summer. I couldn't look back after that. I got onto Highway 20 and decided for some stupid reason that it was a good idea to read the card that Katie gave me before I left. I open the card and see the tree on the front and she knows how much I love trees. The card was just perfect. I literally haven't ever had a more perfect card given to me in my life. What she wrote in there as well was amazing. I didn't get more than the front of the card read before I had to pull over on the side of the road. I couldn't drive anymore because I was crying too hard. After I sat there for at least 5 minutes, I started driving and just let the tears fall for about a half hour. I can't describe how I felt more than my amount of tears can describe.
The drive home was long. I was tired from lack of sleep as well as from crying. I talked to my mom, my sister, Matt, and Caitlin on my way home to keep me awake. I was on the phone for probably half of my drive. The other half consisted of me singing really loudly to the radio.
Now I am home. Had a wonderful home cooked meal. Sitting on the couch next to my sister watching tv...which I haven't watched in 10 weeks. Weird. Painted my nails with crackle...makes me miss my Katie. Skyping with Vivi soon. I couldn't have asked for more from Fair Hills this summer. Honestly the best summer of my life. The people I met there have changed me forever. I can't explain how much my heart aches being away from everybody. I will see them soon...
Love forever,
Kait
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